I was at the mall today and noticed a trend that I'm sure would be
scientifically backed up if I did a little research. I found that alot of
moms were fussing or yelling at their daughters! Shocker, right? It's the same old story - girls and thier moms argue. I remember doing that when I was growing up. But I paid attention today to hear what was being said and how it was being said. While arguing between mothers and daughters is normal, berating and belittling is not. I heard moms telling their daughters that they had no taste, that they were lazy and that they were fat. I heard comments like "shut up and stop being so lazy" or "I don't know why I even bring you shopping - you have no taste and you're way too big to fit into anything that's cute." I was blown away by what I heard. Then I noticed something else. Those girls whose moms were hurting them with their words tended to look down, round their shoulders and seemingly try to disappear into the
wall. It was obvious they wanted to be anywhere (or anyone) else. There also seemed to be a trend toward obesity among those same girls. In contrast, I saw great moms overcoming thier daughters protests with
encouragement and love. I heard things like, "your so pretty, how about if we find something that shows off your looks a bit more" and "I know you're tired, but if you can just hang in there with me for a little bit longer, I know we can find something that you'll like. You've got great taste, we just need to find the store that's right for your taste." The girls spoken to with respect and love - although they were arguing as well - stood differently. They held their heads high and made eye contact. You knew they were in this world - and you knew that they would do well in it because of thier self-esteem and their family's encouragement. You know where I'm going with this. We talk alot these days about childhood obesity -and we should - it's a huge problem. But there's an underlying problem that we're ignoring. Many obese children are obese because they are trying to fill a void - a hole that exists where their self-esteem should be. Instead of fixing that hole, they're filling it - with food. Couple that with inactivity and there's your recipe for obesity in children. I certainly don't have all of the answers, but based soley on my observations I can promise you this - if more moms would try to remember what it was like growing up and how it felt to be talked to in such a harsh and hurtful way, and actually worked to promote their daughter's self-esteem instead of breaking it down, there would be alot less overweight and obese girls in this society. Looking purely at the end result and not analyzing the root cause is fruitless. Start with what you know - tell your daughter she's special, beautiful, SMART, kind, thoughtful, precious, funny, talented, wonderful, INTELLIGENT, nice, a good reader, has good taste, has a style
all her own . . . and tell her that she's loved. But be prepared for what
you'll witness - a girl who blossoms with the nourishment of encouragement - and one who will still argue with her mother!!